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Yeah because every time you tryna open up to someone (you feel like) they don’t understand and thats frustrating because you feel like nobody can understand you and that youre different and you just want to be “normal”.
You feel like shit because even if you are in company everybody is watching you.
What you’re doing wrong.
At least let me say it’s exhausting.
You feel lonely even in company.
Gets frustrated, but like really frustrated.
So you feel like an emotional break down.
All you want is to be happy.
Maybe as before.
But somewhere you feel like this is never gonna end, I’m never getting any better.
So you cry.
Are too tired to become angry.
But too cry also.
You feel like shit.
Nobody’s going to help you.
You feel like doing everything on your own, because they cant they can only give you advize but even that doesn’t work.
Ear in other out.
And then youre like going under.
And keep distance.
And being alone all the time in your house.
Anxietys.
All you want to do is scream.
You don’t want anyone to know how you really feel because you know Its shit and you want to protect them for unfortunately the truth.
Because what you ever did go went through what ever it feels like.
You don’t want anyone else to feel.
Because of knowing it kills you all the time.
And thats so fucking lonely.
You get depressed as hell.
And want to turn back time, to start all over, be a child, have no worries.
But you know you cant.
So its freaking you out the reality it hits hard.
All you wanted is to be happy, but you don’t know how.
Then your crazyniss takes over.
You are so fucking tired.
Tired of always giving people anything they want.
But setting yourself 2nd.
You need to be strong.
I know it’s hard.
No one ever said life would be easy.
Its a ride.
A survival of the fittest.
Ride or die.
I didnt went through the things you went trough.
But I know this feeling.
You want to escape.
But you know that money, love, war, empowerment and everything sucks.
So whats going to make you happy.
Its yourself.
I know you don’t feel like this I can definitely relate.
Suicide is going to hell.
So you just have to sit and think.
Overthinking kills your mind.
Youre becoming more introvert.
Your heart and head are struggling with each other.
Somewhere in your heart deep down its good.
But you went through so many things that you cant think straight.
You start forcing yourself.
And always set yourself on 2nd place so when you are trying to set your self on 1, you don’t even know who you are.
Your identity.
You always did everything for people or was busy school work what ever it doesn’t count its about you don’t feel who you are anymore.
Its about you.
Its good what you do place yourself on First.
You deserve this.
Fuck others, they only damaged you.
Focus on yourself and try to heal.
Its all about mental health.
Because you are Born alone you die alone.
Put yourself First, fuck the rest and let god do the rest